Wednesday, September 7, 2011

200 Words. A Challenge.

I took on the First Campaigner Challenge. A 200 word piece of fiction that must begin with the words "The door swung open..." It is inspired by an abandoned church I discovered in my travels.

I hate rules. Only because I am doomed to always follow them. But this begins as I was told to begin it. And I am proud to say it is exactly 200 words. It is #275 on the linky list.

The door swung open and my wrists fell limp at the keys, fingers caught in memory, the abrupt halt of a note half heard. I kept my back to her, legs stuck to the sturdy wooden piano bench.

“Keep playing.”

I shook my head. No. That was not why I had gone there. That was not why she had come.

In the darkness of the empty church, faded hymnals rested at a pulpit where no one stood, and I was there, breathing in the stale air, so that no one would hear. I was there because it was a place that had been forgotten.

I imagined her blackened feet against the wooden floor as she approached. “It’s outta tune, I bet.”

“I like it that way. That’s how I want to hear things.”

“But how’ll you know you got it right?”

“I don’t want to get it right.” I was too used to getting things wrong.

She sat beside me, her long hair dripping down her tiny shoulders like honey. And she leaned forward, tired, as if she were only resting her elbows on the kitchen counter, smashing into the keys, ripping apart the silence.

It sounded like a sigh.

21 comments:

  1. Melissa, THAT is awesome!!! Love love this!!!

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  2. What number are you on the linky thing?

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  3. Oh thank you both for saying that. It makes me feel good :)
    Jenny, I'm such a delinquent I forgot to link it! Just did it. #275.

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  4. This is really beautiful, my dear friend, M. Sarno.

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  5. I love your dialogue and the angst of your character in from of that piano. So true, to me, anyway. I never could grasp those keys.

    Great job, Melissa! :)

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  6. You did something really special with this challenge! Right off the bat, I love the "note half heard," and later, the pulpit where no one stood. You captured the feeling of abandonment really well. This has lots of potential, you've got me wanting to know more. Well done!

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  7. Lovely descriptions, Melissa. I could see the whole scene in my mind's eye.

    Would like to invite you to theRule of Three Blogfest ---a month-long extravaganza in the fictional town of Renaissance this October, with some great prizes, comment love, and of course, a lot of exposure for your writing.

    It would be a pleasure to see a story of yours based in the town of Renaissance--it does have an empty, abandoned church somewhere, waiting for your characters!

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  8. Nice descriptions and dialogue. Good luck with the challenge. We are all winners!

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  9. Lots of lovely, evocative descriptions that created a fantastic atmosphere for this piece.

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  10. I was trying to comment on your new post, but now it's gone. Weird.

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  11. Is she a ghost? I wasn't sure. Mine is #72

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  12. Hi Melissa! You've done a great job on this. I wanted to stop by and let you know that you are through to stage two of judging for the challenge. There will be a semi-final (stage three) and a final (stage four). Good luck!

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  13. Ah, nice! Lovely use of language. Different!

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  14. I love all the small details. I could really picture this vividly.

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  15. Hi Melissa. I've enjoyed your piece!

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  16. This has some beautiful, poignant lines. Thank you for sharing.

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  17. What a beautiful piece. Loved it! :) And it's nice to *meet* you! :D

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  18. Very cool! It really has an eerie sense about it! Well done. :)

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