The Rules

I hate rules.  Because I am doomed to always follow them.  To the letter.  I always walk the straight and narrow.  I do not stray.

In the publishing world, particularly for those querying, there are a lot of rules.  There are #pubtips and #querytips.  There are how-to's, explicit contest rules, and inflexible submission guidelines. My research is both extensive and exhausting. I take caution.  Follow instructions exactly.  I tread carefully.  Try not to make too much noise. 

I try to (but of course I can not) do everything right and then I wonder if that means I'm doing it wrong.

Because there's a lot of that out there.  Have you noticed?   A lot of You're-Doing-It-Wrong rants.  You're sending your work too soon, too late, too often, too little.  You have the wrong greeting, the wrong subject line, the wrong word count...the wrong book. You, my friend, have not followed the rules.

And so, I've become a little fanatical about them.

In a dance class the other day-- yes, I have to learn how to slow-dance now, for this wedding, so we don't embarrass ourselves or my parents on the dancefloor in front of all of their friends-- the instructor asked, and he was dead serious, if I might be obsessive compulsive?  Because I quickly make up for a too-little step with five big ones, that I'm ahead when I should be behind.

I didn't know how to answer that.

Yesterday, I reached some kind of turning point.  If it can be called that.  After three hours of extensive agent research, I finally felt ready to send one new query.  Just one.  I read it over roughly 36 times and then I pressed send.

And there it went.  And as it went...I froze.

It is not clear to me how a person can read something 36 times and not realize that she has failed to copy and paste the first word of her query into the email.  Meaning the first impression of me, of someone who calls herself a writer, will be that she is missing full words, that she starts in the middle of a sentence instead of the beginning.  I mean, it's common knowledge, isn't it, that you have to start there?

So I stared at this mistake which can't be fixed.  And sighed.

Because I've read the rules.  I've been following them since I learned red-light/green light, hide and seek, seven-up.  Since I shook my head if the opportunity to skip a high school class arose.  Since I eyed my friends and pointed to my watch as we neared a curfew.

Something about this first-word-loss put things in perspective.  Like finding a typo in a published work.  Of course it must-be-done a certain way.  But, the truth is, it isn't always, and not for lack of trying.  For all those making rules, I'm pretty sure that's a rule.

Honesty Is the Best Policy

Lori H. Walker inspired me to write this post because we were having a great e-mail discussion about querying. I certainly don't consider myself an expert on the subject but sharing my querying experience could be beneficial to those out there ready to jump in.

For those of you who have done serious research and are about to query, I know that you have polished your manuscript until it is the best it can be. I know that you have cut and re-written and re-arranged and spell-checked. I know you've had beta readers and crit partners pick it apart and destroy it and help you put it back together again. I know that you've put in serious editing time and worked weeks, months, and, perhaps, years getting your manuscript to be perfect.

I'm not being facetious. I read your blogs. I e-mail and chat and tweet with you. You're doing everything you're supposed to do and agents are not going to know what hit them when they get your query in their inboxes.

I did all of this. I went through six (I said SIX) major edits of my novel. I had friends, lovers, and countrymen read and critique it. I took most, if not all, of their advice (if it worked for my novel) and then when I thought I was finished, I edited it again. I did everything I was supposed to do.

Except one teeny little thing:

I lied to myself.

I lied to myself about one very important aspect of my novel. The beginning was too slow. I knew this. I made lots of superficial fixes to get around this because I did not know how to fix it. I need everything in those pages, I told myself. There is nothing I can cut. And that was partly true. But it doesn't help that it was slow.

And so...I began querying...

Because I had done everything I was supposed to do. I went through the checklist and marked everything off. Workshops, endless critiques, beta readers, Edit 1, Edit 2, and so on and so on and so on.

So I sent out my queries and received several requests in those first few weeks, to which I sent out my lovely little manuscript knowing I'd done everything I could. Well, almost everything. No, no, no, I mean...EVERYTHING. And then I received some very interesting news...

"I didn't connect with the material as much as I had hoped. The beginning was much too slow..."

But I knew that.

And you know it too.

So I'm here to make sure you add one more thing to your list of 'Before I Query' and that is:

Be honest with yourself.

If there's something gnawing at you about your novel. Something you've buried really deep inside of you and you're about to hit 'send' on that query. Just stop.

NOW.

I know you're antsy and impatient to get out there. I know you're ready. Because you've done everything. Everything you're supposed to do. But just give yourself that last honesty check. It will save you time later.

Dream A Little Dream

All right people, I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I had to relay this dream I had the other night. Think of it as a public service announcement to all those querying.

In the dream, I had received an e-mail rejection for the novel I am currently writing. Which is only 17K in a first draft and is obviously no where near the query stage.

Anyhow, this is what the rejection (in the dream) said:

Dear Melissa:

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read your manuscript. Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass on the novel.

I actually enjoyed the read very much and considered offering representation. But when I got to the last page, there was urine on it. I find the fact that you peed on your manuscript very unsettling and I just couldn't get past it.

Thank you,

[Real Agent's Name]

So there you have it folks. Whatever happens, resist the urge to urinate on your novel and send it out. It will only lead to heartache. Now you know.

Ever have any weird dreams about your writing? Or peeing?

The Query Game

So, I've decided to jump back into the query game.

I took a very long break to gather my emotions and reconsider my manuscript. I also took the time to work on several new projects. I love the new novel I'm writing and I'm in a wonderful position where I don't have to worry whether anyone else does.

Not so when it comes to my novel Spared. It turns out that as soon as you decide to seek publication, you will be in a constant state of worry as to whether or not someone will love your work, whether you're looking for an agent, a publisher, or your book has hit the shelf. Which, I've learned, can be very stressful to your mental health.

I debated for a while whether to post about my query process. It seems like a very big secret I shouldn't share. Several people who are much smarter and well-respected than I am have said it's not wise to share the terrible secrets of the long journey of rejection, since it can deter agents from wanting to represent you. I cowered in fear, believing that if I revealed that I had indeed been rejected by an agent, I would never be able to find an agent. But, let's be serious... Is there any one of you out there who believes I have never once been rejected? Come on.

So, I'll just say it: I've been rejected.

Shocking, I know. (And because I have my pride and I'm still petrified to admit that, I'll follow it by saying: BUT! BUT! I've also received requests and opportunities to resubmit. So, it's not all one big terrible losing fest.)

Phew, now, that's out of the way, I can tell you that I queried a small number of agents last May and took the entire summer to edit my manuscript based on that feedback. Then, I queried a small number of agents in September and took another month to make small edits (flesh out a B storyline that had fallen flat and revised the beginning to create a stronger hook.) I put the book aside and have not queried since then. To be honest, I was impatient, tired, and scared s***less to jump back in.

Not to mention that my manuscript is still out with agents who requested it during both of those rounds. Yes, my friends, that means people have had it since frickin' May. And that is why I no longer refer to that month in 2010 as May. It's known as frickin' May.

The process so far has been long because I query a small number of agents at a time. And I query a small number of agents at a time because worrying about whether or not someone loves my work is exhausting.

As it turns out, my process so far has been excruciatingly slow and is really just stringing along the emotional exhaustion over a longer period of time. So, I'm jumping back in the game with a little less trepidation than in the past. You probably don't particularly care, but I thought I should tell you.

So, how do you decide when to submit and when to hold back? Do you cast a wide net and see what bites? Or, are you like me? A scared little snail? This here's a place where you can share them fears, so let 'em loose friends...

Following the Rules

I've always been the kind of girl who follows the rules. I always did my homework. I always listened in class. I always came home on time. I rarely gave my parents any grief. Of course there were a few screaming fits with my mother in my early teens that ended with me getting my ponytail yanked and getting some privileges taken away. But, for the most part, I never strayed far from the path. I remember being in high school, taking an exam in my French class. I was so innocently involved in the exam that I didn't notice that the entire room was actually involved in a huge cheating chain. Imagine my surprise when everyone got an A on that exam but me. Clueless.

But, I can't say that it didn't benefit me to follow the rules. I cut class only once in my high school career, towards the end of my senior year. I didn't even do anything scandalous with my time. I think I just sat in the lunch room for an additional period. I received a detention and when I walked into the room with my detention slip, the Assistant Principal laughed and said, "Melissa Sarno? I've never seen you in here before. Go home." One other time, I had some brat in my gym class begin harassing me. I might be innocent, but I don't take lightly to people getting in my face. I believe my exact words were: "F&%k off you little b^&ch" Of course, this got me sent straight to the Assistant Principal's office where she laughed and said, "Melissa Sarno? What did that girl say to set you off? You go back to gym class and send that one back to me!" So, being a goody-two-shoes can have it's perks.

When I applied for an internship in college, I remember getting an interview and being told to respond to a specific e-mail with a writing sample or information of some kind. I responded directly to the e-mail I received (not the one specified). I was told that I couldn't follow instructions and that they weren't interested in interviewing me. And that this was a 'lesson' perhaps more valuable than the internship itself.

Maybe it was. I tend to do fairly well in my professional and personal life. And, ya know, I stay out of jail. It also means I'm an excellent query-sender, quadruple checking guidelines and following instructions like it's my job. So, you can imagine my surprise when I made a pretty big omission in my latest submission (An omission in the submission. Conjunction junction, what's your function? )

I did not take well to this. I remembered that honorable C on my French exam. Not one, but two, free passes from the assistant principal. The fatal error that kicked me out of the running for the internship. No! I prided myself on being the one to do it right. That's my shtick. That's my gig. Not following the rules? Not reading the instructions? I actually began to cry. Head buried in the bed and everything. (Oh, Tyler, you're a saint.) Yes, I'm that crazy. But I didn't know where to go, what to do? What are the rules when you forget to follow the rules? I frantically admitted to my mistake, sending a kind of sickeningly-professional e-mail to an unsuspecting literary agent's assistant (oh this poor dear child). And the response?

"No worries. Happens all the time."

No worries?

If you need me, I'll be in therapy for the next 5 years.

Tell Someone You Wrote A Book

For a long time, I did not tell anyone I was writing a novel. I was afraid. I didn't want to fail and then be held accountable for that failure. I wrote and kept it secret. Slowly, I told my family members and my closest friends. Eventually, I decided to start this blog, and I officially announced the journey I had been on. That accountability changed my life as a writer. There was no option to fail. I had told people I was writing a novel and there was absolutely no way I was going to go back on my word. I succeeded and it is, in part, because I didn't want to tell my family, my friends, and by virtue of the Internet, the world, that I could not do what I set out to do. I am a very stubborn, persistent, proud person and telling, sharing, became essential to my progress.

When it came time to set this novel free and try to get it published, I experienced the same kind of fear. I did not want to tell people this goal. How many rejections would I receive? How many times would I lose my way? How many novels sit on people's shelves before they get the 5th or 6th or 100th book published? Why would I announce a goal nearly impossible to achieve?

But I thought it through. The first time I started talking, it worked. I finished what I set out to do. I figured it could not hurt to tell people my latest goal. It turns out I was right.

My advice to you is to go tell someone you wrote a book. And here's why:

It came up in random conversation with a co-worker. I told her what I had done. That night she was riding the train home from work and sat next to someone from a big publishing house. Of course, she thought of me. Now I have that person's contact information and a reference I never thought I'd have.

My friend Mike reads this blog (Lord knows why) and his friend from high school is a literary agent. He reached out to her on my behalf and now I have a valuable connection.

I was chatting with a colleague about my novel. Her friend of many, many years, from summer camp is also a literary agent. Another valuable connection I never imagined having.

After chatting with a children's writer I work with at my day job, she told me she was in the process of completing her first novel. I shared that I had just finished one myself. Together, we discussed our writer woes. And she asked me about getting ready to query. She's not sure what her next step should be. I happen to know a little about the next step. After all, I'm in the midst of it. We'll be chatting again very soon, when she has written 'The End.'

What good things have happened to you when you uttered the words, "I wrote a book..." or "I'm writing a book..."?

A Blog, A Book, and A Contest

I've been meaning to tell you all about a blog I really like and a contest that made my eyes bug out of my head.

First: Allison Winn Scotch's blog Ask Allison. It is a wealth of information about the publishing industry from a writer's point of view. She covers everything you could ever want to know. And I have learned a lot from her blog.

Second: this upcoming contest. A guaranteed query and 1st chapter read by her agent, Elisabeth Weed. No worries about getting lost in slush. No feelings of if only they would read that first chapter, I know they would want my book! If you write adult fiction, particularly women's fiction, and you have a completed manuscript and you're ready to query, you are positively loony if you don't run out and buy Allison's new book The One That I Want and become eligible to enter this contest. Good luck!

BEA

I decided at the last minute to attend Book Expo America this year. I have heard it is not necessarily a great conference for aspiring writers. But I remember sitting in my cubicle last year thinking that there were all kinds of wonderful books and all the people who love and write them mere minutes away. I also figured if babs is going, then so should I.

To my delight, I discovered that there are literary agencies who brave the scene. And one or two of these are agencies I had already planned on querying. I also discovered that there will be some authors there who I would very much like to meet. And, last year, I had the great pleasure of meeting a lot of book bloggers who will be attending again this year.

I must tell you, conferences freak me out. I'd much prefer to meet all of you at my favorite Italian restaurant over a bottle of wine, instead of under the harsh lights of the Javits Center as I desperately try and think of something to say and fail. But I'm going to brave this thing. In the name of books.

So, are you going? If so, I'd love to meet you. Please e-mail me at thistooblog (at) gmail (dot) com. I also live in New York City so feel free to ask me any questions about the area if you feel so inclined.

Second Chances

As I slooowly begin the agent search (seriously, I'm a trepid turtle these days), I've been thinking a lot about second chances. We've all heard it. You only get a first impression with an agent. That query letter has to be perfect. That manuscript has to be flawless. If they are anything less, you've missed your one, golden chance.

I struggle with this. I am a writer and producer. My job is to, literally, make things happen. From start to finish, it is my job to make things faster, better, stronger. And along the way, if there's a problem, it is my job to fix it. What? You don't like this direction? This isn't working for you? No problem. I can fix it. I can make it work for you.

It doesn't seem that the publishing industry works this way. Thanks-but-no-thanks is an everyday occurrence. There is no time to sit and say, "Well, how can I make this work for you? I am willing. I am able." It's more like an irritated mother, yanking her child's arm. "No. Means. No." There are no second chances.

But, as I've said, I am a producer. I make things happen. It is always my job to say yes. An eternal optimist. An eternal problem solver. And I know that this 'no second chances' thing, it doesn't really work like that.

If an agent rejects your work, they are the ones who never get a second chance. You are the one with endless opportunity. To be faster, better, stronger.

And, yes, that's my tough make-it-happen face.

Hack It Up Baby

Turns out my Gmail account was 'compromised' a few hours ago. To all of you that may have received an e-mail from me this morning, please ignore the odd links and porn and pharmaceutical advertisements in them. I apologize for the hackers.

What is perhaps most embarrassing is that an e-mail was sent out to everyone I have ever
e-mailed in my entire life. It's not entirely relevant to this blog, but if you put the pieces together, you might see why this comes at an extremely awkward time.

I might have mentioned that my manuscript was completed over the weekend. I might have mentioned that the next step involved querying agents. Believe it or not, this involved e-mailing them.

That is all I will say. Now, I am just going to hang my head in shame.

Update

I figure I owe you all an update on what's been going on with my manuscript.

1. Spared is still the working title of the novel. It's stuck around the longest of any title so far and I don't even have room left in my brain to wonder about it anymore. So that's it! For now.

2. I am on the 200th revision of my query letter. I think it's looking pretty good. I have a PR guru willing to look at it. I guess we'll see if the pitch is punchy enough for the publicity peeps.

3. I've received 2nd-hand, quick, more-to-come feedback from a beta reader who said simply: "I love it. I love her style and 'turns of phrases'". That's always good to hear. Especially when the reader is a published writer. (After hearing this, I immediately reverted to middle school and asked, did she say 'like'. Or 'love'? Are you sure it was 'love'? 'Cause there's a big difference between 'like' and 'love', ya know. I was assured it was 'love', but I still don't believe we're going to the dance.)

4. I've also received more in-depth feedback from a beta reader that provided me with A LOT of valuable insight for my next edit.

5. It's in the hands of 2 more readers from my original writing group who were with this thing from the very beginning, when it was in absolute shambles.

6. I'm working on line editing what I have, knowing there may be some additional chapters and re-worked chapters from the incoming feedback. I already have a lot to think about regarding some of the pacing and plot points that need to be fleshed out more. Or the ones that need to take a step back.

7. That's about it on the novel front.

8. In other news: On Thursday I will meet Ann M. Martin, author of the Babysitter's Club series, and consequently die a happy woman.

Surprise Query Critique

The week that I unplugged, I was the recipient (i.e. victim) of a surprise query critique (i.e. query killing).

A few weeks ago a literary agency was accepting queries for critique and agreed to post the critiques of 7 lucky queries on their blog. I entered the contest on a whim, sent my query out and a week or two later, I was surprised to read the blog and find that my poor, little query was featured!

I nearly hid under a desk.

All I can say is thank goodness it was anonymous. I'm not going to direct you to the post because I'm still embarrassed. But I will give you some query tips:

1. Don't have an awkward opening! My sentences were too wordy. Keep it short and attention grabbing.

2. Sell your character! Not just your plot! The letter did not share enough information about who my character is. I was all wrapped up in selling my plot, I didn't share enough about the person behind it.

3. Make exciting plot points...exciting! Apparently, my plot was considered dynamic, but the telling of it was flat and boring. Use dynamic sentences to explain dynamic adventures.

4. Don't bury your character's psychological struggle! I would imagine this is only relevant if you have a character-driven novel (as I do). Any trauma or struggle he or she may need to overcome should be highlighted upfront.

5. Don't capitalize genres! It's women's fiction. Not Women's Fiction. (Apparently I missed that grammar lesson)

6. Mention your word count! This is apparently the only thing I did right...

7. Mention if it's your first novel! Oh wait, I got that one right too. As if it wasn't painfully obvious based on my pathetic, sickly query.

I'm sorry about all the exclamation points. But, with the amount of agency blogs I read, I'm at the point where I feel every agent is yelling at me. I know they aren't. I imagine that they are really good people. Good people who read a lot of crap. So I don't blame them if they get ornery about the things they receive in their slush piles.

I feel fortunate that I got this query critiqued before I sent it out. They confirmed what I had long suspected: my manuscript would have been rejected. But guess what? It wasn't real! I have another shot! So, the experience is ridiculously valuable. Ridiculously. I told you that was my crutch word (no, I didn't use it in my query).

I urge all of you to try and enter these kinds of contests. I will try and post more of them here.