The journey, finding an agent, and all that

Some of you have inquired a bit about the journey to finding an agent and it occurred to me that I've been somewhat quiet here over the years about this part of the process, when, in fact, it has been a larger, nagging presence in my life than I've let on.  

So here's the story, and I apologize, in advance, for the length of this post.  Get a drink, kick back, skip to the end if you're bored.

Technically, I sent my first query letter in 1992. I was eleven and I had written a poem and, since I spent most of my mornings reading cereal boxes and whatever mail my parents left on the kitchen table, I read one of those weekly free community news circulars and discovered they had a very small poetry section.  I wrote a handwritten letter that said, 'I wrote this poem. I hope you like it!'*  And a month later, my poem appeared in the circular.

Since then, I have spent years sending short stories and novels into the universe. But that was the first and last time anyone has ever published my fiction.

In April 2010, I was serious about publishing a novel inspired by two sisters I had met long ago when I worked at school for children with special needs.  That story was really important to me and I queried it, slowly, for about a year.  Because I had done a lot of research about querying, I actually received a lot of requests to read the book but, in the end, I received around sixty rejections and about twenty of those were rejections of the actual material.

At some point during that process, I actually received a rejection from a reputable agent for a book that wasn't mine. As in, she gave me all kinds of feedback regarding a character named Logan (there was not, has never been, a character named Logan in the manuscript.)  She later apologized that there had been a mix-up but, at that point, having then received, not only my own beautiful stack of rejections, but, also, in some cruel joke, the rejection of someone else, I made a very difficult decision to shelve that novel and move on.

I wrote RABBIT ISLAND, a young adult novel inspired by the historic Dreamland fire of Coney Island. It's about a burning amusement park, a young singer trying to find her voice, and an abandoned amusement park ride and group of siblings she discovers underground.

In January 2012, I queried it. Over time, I received many rejections. A few agents, however, gave me very encouraging feedback.  One of those rejections was so incredibly kind and encouraging that I actually cried in my grey cubicle while at work, on the phone with a very confused IT person in India.  I cried because it felt as if I had come close.  I felt that maybe it had been good but not good enough, and, sometimes, it can be hard to always feel not good enough.

After querying some more agents, I decided to put that manuscript aside. I was trying to change some things in my life, gain career experience I wasn't getting at work, and plan a wedding. Somehow, I managed to write 15,000 words of a novel, then, one day, discovered that a very reputable young adult writer had already written it. Sigh.

But, in the summer of 2012, in a rather surprising string of events stemming from some words I had written about a treasured friend's book, on this very blog, I met with a real-life editor who reached out to me about my work (color me floored.) I explained some of my projects to her and her enthusiasm for RABBIT ISLAND made me think it might be time to re-look at it.

So I did.

I rewrote it. I changed third person to first, brought characters back to life, sent others to their rooms with no dinner, re-imagined an underground world I thought I knew, and discovered the motivations and the past of a mother I had not understood. I sent it to critique partners and received amazing feedback.  I revised again and sent it to others, then to an amazing friend who I did not know, when I first sent it, but later learned, was the one person I needed to read this book.

Then, last month, in mid-March 2013, I felt ready to send it out. I felt that if no one loved this novel, it wouldn't matter, because I had done all I could.

I was in conversation with a freelance editor partnering with an agency about my work but, beyond that, I queried just one agent. The one who had sent the kindest rejection. The one who, yes, had made me cry (because the rejection was so kind.) The one who, last Wednesday told me she loved the book and Thursday offered representation.

So here we are.

*For the record, I firmly believe all query letters should only consist of the words 'I wrote this. I hope you like it' because, what more is there, really, than that?**

**If you're new to querying, don't do that. Email me.

I have an agent! no really. it's true.

Happy news to share today, news I have been waiting to share with all of you who follow along here:

I have an agent!

I will be working with the amazing Michelle Andelman from Regal Literary!

She tells me she loves my book!

She instructed me to follow a pink bird (the agency's logo) to her offices so I felt like I was following a magic bird to a secret garden!

She has made me so, so, enormously happy with her intelligence, thoughtfulness and kindness.

And, most importantly, she wants to share this journey with me.

I can not stop smiling.

Of course, there are stories to share and I will share them.  Of course, this is only the beginning of a longer, more difficult (and exciting!) journey.  But it is the beginning of something and I feel it is important for me to thank all of you.

In the years since I've been blogging, this space has been the space of my writing life. I went from having a handful of people read this blog, to meeting some of the most treasured friends I have. All of our correspondence and conversations have, truly, made an impact on my writing.  In all this time I've written a few books and received many (many) more rejections, and, it has been no small thing to open my inbox to an alert from a commenter and friend. These comments and emails have always made me think I might have a story to tell and there may even be someone listening. I am not exaggerating or being melodramatic when I say that many of you are the only reason I continue to try and tell any story at all.

So. Thank you.

Now I dance at my desk. : )

J is for Jealousy

This is a bit of a difficult post for me to write because I'm a little ashamed... Lately, I've been experiencing some jealousy. It's something I've read on other blogs and dismissed because I consider myself a person who rejoices in other people's successes. But, I'm afraid that I've been bitten by a very mean jealousy bug.

Reading about people who have agents and book deals makes me feel like crap.

There. I've said it. I don't like the feeling. Not even a little.

In fact, when I read about someone who landed a book deal or an agent I often make a big show in the comments by overusing exclamation points and screaming congratulations to compensate for the bad feelings I have in the pit of my stomach.

It's not to say that I am not happy for you if you've worked really hard and your talent has been recognized. In fact, it's just the opposite. I'm usually thrilled. It's just this really awful feeling that says: I want what you have.

And I feel like an absolute turd for it.

Lately, I've tried to combat that feeling by telling myself that the people who have succeeded have done so because they work harder than me. It's the only way I can justify it. I tell myself, I must not be a good worker. I must be lazy. And I must work harder. My work ethic is just not good enough.

Whether or not it's true, I don't know. I don't know how hard all of you work in comparison to how hard I work. But I assume you work harder than me. If I stay up until 1am writing, you must stay up until 2am. If I take off from writing for 2 days, you must be using that time to knock out 20,000 words.

I can only assume that if I work harder, I will have what you have. So I'm going to bust my a** until I have it all too. And that's all there is to it.

I wonder...am I the only one who feels this way?

Following the Rules

I've always been the kind of girl who follows the rules. I always did my homework. I always listened in class. I always came home on time. I rarely gave my parents any grief. Of course there were a few screaming fits with my mother in my early teens that ended with me getting my ponytail yanked and getting some privileges taken away. But, for the most part, I never strayed far from the path. I remember being in high school, taking an exam in my French class. I was so innocently involved in the exam that I didn't notice that the entire room was actually involved in a huge cheating chain. Imagine my surprise when everyone got an A on that exam but me. Clueless.

But, I can't say that it didn't benefit me to follow the rules. I cut class only once in my high school career, towards the end of my senior year. I didn't even do anything scandalous with my time. I think I just sat in the lunch room for an additional period. I received a detention and when I walked into the room with my detention slip, the Assistant Principal laughed and said, "Melissa Sarno? I've never seen you in here before. Go home." One other time, I had some brat in my gym class begin harassing me. I might be innocent, but I don't take lightly to people getting in my face. I believe my exact words were: "F&%k off you little b^&ch" Of course, this got me sent straight to the Assistant Principal's office where she laughed and said, "Melissa Sarno? What did that girl say to set you off? You go back to gym class and send that one back to me!" So, being a goody-two-shoes can have it's perks.

When I applied for an internship in college, I remember getting an interview and being told to respond to a specific e-mail with a writing sample or information of some kind. I responded directly to the e-mail I received (not the one specified). I was told that I couldn't follow instructions and that they weren't interested in interviewing me. And that this was a 'lesson' perhaps more valuable than the internship itself.

Maybe it was. I tend to do fairly well in my professional and personal life. And, ya know, I stay out of jail. It also means I'm an excellent query-sender, quadruple checking guidelines and following instructions like it's my job. So, you can imagine my surprise when I made a pretty big omission in my latest submission (An omission in the submission. Conjunction junction, what's your function? )

I did not take well to this. I remembered that honorable C on my French exam. Not one, but two, free passes from the assistant principal. The fatal error that kicked me out of the running for the internship. No! I prided myself on being the one to do it right. That's my shtick. That's my gig. Not following the rules? Not reading the instructions? I actually began to cry. Head buried in the bed and everything. (Oh, Tyler, you're a saint.) Yes, I'm that crazy. But I didn't know where to go, what to do? What are the rules when you forget to follow the rules? I frantically admitted to my mistake, sending a kind of sickeningly-professional e-mail to an unsuspecting literary agent's assistant (oh this poor dear child). And the response?

"No worries. Happens all the time."

No worries?

If you need me, I'll be in therapy for the next 5 years.

Sorry Jane

By posting this, I'm pretty sure I've just jinxed myself. But it seems there's no point in living if you can't tempt fate.

Last night I had a dream that an agent I met at a conference sent a package to my home with a post-it that said: "Secret for you. Meet me at the shop." I was very confused about who the sender might be, where the shop might be and what the secret might be. Fortunately, there was a follow-up phone call that clarified things.

"I'm looking for Jane Merkin," the strange voice spoke urgently.
"Jane Merkin? I don't know who she is."
"I need her to meet me at the shop."
"You have the wrong place. I don't know who she is."
"You can't find her?"
"Nope."
"Well, then...give me a call. We need to talk futher."
"Ok."

I find it pretty hilarious that I hung up the phone and immediately called back to speak to the very same person. I was offered representation from the agent since Jane Merkin was not available.

Sorry Jane! Right place, right time...

Tell Someone You Wrote A Book

For a long time, I did not tell anyone I was writing a novel. I was afraid. I didn't want to fail and then be held accountable for that failure. I wrote and kept it secret. Slowly, I told my family members and my closest friends. Eventually, I decided to start this blog, and I officially announced the journey I had been on. That accountability changed my life as a writer. There was no option to fail. I had told people I was writing a novel and there was absolutely no way I was going to go back on my word. I succeeded and it is, in part, because I didn't want to tell my family, my friends, and by virtue of the Internet, the world, that I could not do what I set out to do. I am a very stubborn, persistent, proud person and telling, sharing, became essential to my progress.

When it came time to set this novel free and try to get it published, I experienced the same kind of fear. I did not want to tell people this goal. How many rejections would I receive? How many times would I lose my way? How many novels sit on people's shelves before they get the 5th or 6th or 100th book published? Why would I announce a goal nearly impossible to achieve?

But I thought it through. The first time I started talking, it worked. I finished what I set out to do. I figured it could not hurt to tell people my latest goal. It turns out I was right.

My advice to you is to go tell someone you wrote a book. And here's why:

It came up in random conversation with a co-worker. I told her what I had done. That night she was riding the train home from work and sat next to someone from a big publishing house. Of course, she thought of me. Now I have that person's contact information and a reference I never thought I'd have.

My friend Mike reads this blog (Lord knows why) and his friend from high school is a literary agent. He reached out to her on my behalf and now I have a valuable connection.

I was chatting with a colleague about my novel. Her friend of many, many years, from summer camp is also a literary agent. Another valuable connection I never imagined having.

After chatting with a children's writer I work with at my day job, she told me she was in the process of completing her first novel. I shared that I had just finished one myself. Together, we discussed our writer woes. And she asked me about getting ready to query. She's not sure what her next step should be. I happen to know a little about the next step. After all, I'm in the midst of it. We'll be chatting again very soon, when she has written 'The End.'

What good things have happened to you when you uttered the words, "I wrote a book..." or "I'm writing a book..."?

A Blog, A Book, and A Contest

I've been meaning to tell you all about a blog I really like and a contest that made my eyes bug out of my head.

First: Allison Winn Scotch's blog Ask Allison. It is a wealth of information about the publishing industry from a writer's point of view. She covers everything you could ever want to know. And I have learned a lot from her blog.

Second: this upcoming contest. A guaranteed query and 1st chapter read by her agent, Elisabeth Weed. No worries about getting lost in slush. No feelings of if only they would read that first chapter, I know they would want my book! If you write adult fiction, particularly women's fiction, and you have a completed manuscript and you're ready to query, you are positively loony if you don't run out and buy Allison's new book The One That I Want and become eligible to enter this contest. Good luck!

BEA

I decided at the last minute to attend Book Expo America this year. I have heard it is not necessarily a great conference for aspiring writers. But I remember sitting in my cubicle last year thinking that there were all kinds of wonderful books and all the people who love and write them mere minutes away. I also figured if babs is going, then so should I.

To my delight, I discovered that there are literary agencies who brave the scene. And one or two of these are agencies I had already planned on querying. I also discovered that there will be some authors there who I would very much like to meet. And, last year, I had the great pleasure of meeting a lot of book bloggers who will be attending again this year.

I must tell you, conferences freak me out. I'd much prefer to meet all of you at my favorite Italian restaurant over a bottle of wine, instead of under the harsh lights of the Javits Center as I desperately try and think of something to say and fail. But I'm going to brave this thing. In the name of books.

So, are you going? If so, I'd love to meet you. Please e-mail me at thistooblog (at) gmail (dot) com. I also live in New York City so feel free to ask me any questions about the area if you feel so inclined.

Second Chances

As I slooowly begin the agent search (seriously, I'm a trepid turtle these days), I've been thinking a lot about second chances. We've all heard it. You only get a first impression with an agent. That query letter has to be perfect. That manuscript has to be flawless. If they are anything less, you've missed your one, golden chance.

I struggle with this. I am a writer and producer. My job is to, literally, make things happen. From start to finish, it is my job to make things faster, better, stronger. And along the way, if there's a problem, it is my job to fix it. What? You don't like this direction? This isn't working for you? No problem. I can fix it. I can make it work for you.

It doesn't seem that the publishing industry works this way. Thanks-but-no-thanks is an everyday occurrence. There is no time to sit and say, "Well, how can I make this work for you? I am willing. I am able." It's more like an irritated mother, yanking her child's arm. "No. Means. No." There are no second chances.

But, as I've said, I am a producer. I make things happen. It is always my job to say yes. An eternal optimist. An eternal problem solver. And I know that this 'no second chances' thing, it doesn't really work like that.

If an agent rejects your work, they are the ones who never get a second chance. You are the one with endless opportunity. To be faster, better, stronger.

And, yes, that's my tough make-it-happen face.

Surprise Query Critique

The week that I unplugged, I was the recipient (i.e. victim) of a surprise query critique (i.e. query killing).

A few weeks ago a literary agency was accepting queries for critique and agreed to post the critiques of 7 lucky queries on their blog. I entered the contest on a whim, sent my query out and a week or two later, I was surprised to read the blog and find that my poor, little query was featured!

I nearly hid under a desk.

All I can say is thank goodness it was anonymous. I'm not going to direct you to the post because I'm still embarrassed. But I will give you some query tips:

1. Don't have an awkward opening! My sentences were too wordy. Keep it short and attention grabbing.

2. Sell your character! Not just your plot! The letter did not share enough information about who my character is. I was all wrapped up in selling my plot, I didn't share enough about the person behind it.

3. Make exciting plot points...exciting! Apparently, my plot was considered dynamic, but the telling of it was flat and boring. Use dynamic sentences to explain dynamic adventures.

4. Don't bury your character's psychological struggle! I would imagine this is only relevant if you have a character-driven novel (as I do). Any trauma or struggle he or she may need to overcome should be highlighted upfront.

5. Don't capitalize genres! It's women's fiction. Not Women's Fiction. (Apparently I missed that grammar lesson)

6. Mention your word count! This is apparently the only thing I did right...

7. Mention if it's your first novel! Oh wait, I got that one right too. As if it wasn't painfully obvious based on my pathetic, sickly query.

I'm sorry about all the exclamation points. But, with the amount of agency blogs I read, I'm at the point where I feel every agent is yelling at me. I know they aren't. I imagine that they are really good people. Good people who read a lot of crap. So I don't blame them if they get ornery about the things they receive in their slush piles.

I feel fortunate that I got this query critiqued before I sent it out. They confirmed what I had long suspected: my manuscript would have been rejected. But guess what? It wasn't real! I have another shot! So, the experience is ridiculously valuable. Ridiculously. I told you that was my crutch word (no, I didn't use it in my query).

I urge all of you to try and enter these kinds of contests. I will try and post more of them here.