Friday, February 10, 2012

I'm Hearing Voices Blogfest- Lost Words from the Work In Progress

It's Day Three of the I'm Hearing Voices Blogfest.  Today it's all about emotion.

Thanks Angie Cothran and Cassie Mae for hosting the blogfest. I learned a lot about my characters this way.

I have to lose the following scene from my novel but I'm having separation anxiety.  I'd feel better if I could, at least, let it live here.

I am there for the jukebox. For the slap of song against the next one. I press arrows.  Watch titles flicker and smack.  A crumpled dollar bill spits back out at me and I study George Washington, turn my head, face the way he is supposed to face, so that the world is sideways.

"It won't take the dollar."

The dim light barely cuts across the dark. Everything is half of what it should be. Everybody in profile. One side of an unkempt beard. One shoe scraping the floor.

Anna hovers over whiskey she knows how to drink, jet black hair draped over the shine of bar. "Don't worry about it."

"No. I'll get it." But the dollar bill shoots out, floats to the sticky floor.

She swivels on the bar stool, reveals her tall lace-up boots that creep like vines up her legs, then twist up into tight black pants and a matching turtle-neck.  Her blue eyes sparkle against all the black and she is up and down and reaching over until the dollar bill vanishes and her hand brushes against the jukebox as if it is only slipping down a banister and, just like that, we are full of song.

She pushes the cool glass of whiskey into the palm of my hand. As I open my mouth to protest, she is ahead of me. As always. "Live a little Claire."

23 comments:

  1. It sucks when you have to lose a scene, and this is a good one. :( But at least it is being seen, and I think it's great!

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    1. Thanks Kyra! Doesn't it stink to lose words? I want to gain them! haha.

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  2. Interesting scene, full of frustration and determination.

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  3. Oh I was right there with them in the bar.. and I hate when the jukebox won't take my dollar. I've been there. It's so frustrating, LOL

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  4. Wow, your writing is amazingly descriptive. All show and no tell. NICE.

    ~JD

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  5. You're such a good, descriptive writer. Sorry you have to cut the scene, but I love that you played it out here!

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  6. This is a great scene. You seem to write gracefully, the way I struggle to.

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  7. The characterization and description in this piece are wonderful.

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  8. I'm so glad you let this live here. It was beautiful!

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  9. I'm sorry you've had to cut this scene, but I'm glad it gets to live on here. Your way with words is amazing, they flowed like water into each other.

    Excellent work.

    Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks Clare! That's so nice of you to say. :)

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  10. Melissa, your writing is stunning. REALLY :) This was a very thoughtful and observant scene for me. If this got cut I can't imagine what made it into your MS! Wonderful.

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  11. Great scene! I want to live a little now. : )

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  12. Oh, this is a good scene. Too bad you have to cut it but I'm glad you have a home here for it. Love your descriptions.

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    1. Thanks Dianne! I'm happy I was able to find a home for it here :)

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  13. This was so well written! Great job!

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  14. I already loved your blog post writing voice/style, but after reading a few of your excerpts, I am SO EXCITED to read your stories/books when you get published!

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  15. Great voice, really loved this. Such a great job!

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  16. Such a great scene, sad it got cut. You are a great writer.

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  17. I'm glad you're letting it live here. Excellent writing. So cool!

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  18. What Leigh said, even though you had to lose it, at least it can stay here.

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  19. Interesting scene and well written. I'm glad you had a chance to use it since it's being cut. I feel that way about my darlings, too. I want those deleted pieces to live on somehow.

    I hope you're enjoying your weekend.

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  20. Wow...seriously. When is this book going to be done again? You're voice and style is incredible. I am so, so intrigued by this scene. I want to use the word sumptuous to describe your writing.

    Sarah Allen
    (my creative writing blog)

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