Friday, June 14, 2013

Naked Man Walking

Well, I have to share this story here because there's no other place for it to go.

Yesterday, while walking home from the train, I walked as I always walk, juggling too many bags, a new umbrella (with an arm strap!) slung over my shoulder because it decided to stop raining for a few peaceful moments. I crossed the bridge over the expressway, turned the corner, smelt the garlic and fish from the neighborhood seafood restaurant, passed the twin trees, and, there, approaching me from the opposite direction was a naked man. Naked man walking.

He was young -- I would guess in his twenties. He walked casually. He wasn't chasing after little kids or flinging violent slurred words at anyone. He was just walking, staring ahead with a blank, almost stoic, expression on his face and he happened to be very naked.

I didn't quite know what to do. It seemed inappropriate to hold up my phone and take a picture. He wasn't causing a loud disturbance so it didn't seem right to call the police. I really had no idea what to make of it, except to keep walking towards him, pass him, and wonder, did that just happen?

I decided it did. Because I heard a car door slam from the side of the road and a man appeared from the driver's seat and he said to me, I bet you weren't expecting to see that today.

And when I got to my street, I saw some angry elderly neighbor with her arms folded suspiciously surveying the situation from the corner, and a grumbling, puzzled father telling his young daughter to um, just go back inside please. 

So. Naked Man. Walking.

Why?  I'll never know.

Here are my hypotheses:

1. He was on a Mad-Men-Roger-Sterling-like acid trip.

2. He was part of an experimental art troupe.

3. He was the victim of an end-of-year graduation prank.

4. Following the example of hundreds of films, books, and sitcoms with coming of age stories, he was swimming in the crick naked, his so-called friends stole his clothes and ran off laughing, and he had to make the long journey home.

Care to take guess?


  1. Maybe he was an emperor and his tailor had just made him a new suit!

  2. Ha! Love Krista's answer above.

    Did you look for hidden televisions cameras? That would be my first guess!

  3. Melissa, you have the most interesting experiences....

    I like Krista's answer, and Dianne might be on to something too. :)

  4. The time-travel theory that clothes can't travel through wormholes (or is it black holes?) comes to mind. He was probably a genius from around 1895 anyway, and wouldn't want to stand out in his waistcoat and ascot.
    Barring that, I like your reason #4 the best. :)

  5. Krista's answer = win! It's so much better than my guess that he lost a bet. Or maybe he just likes being the nekkid? In my little town, he would be front page news - for probably a week :)

  6. my guess would be that he just came from a burning building in which he saved several people and pets and in the process his clothes got all burned to ashes but he's completely uninjured because he has special healing powers. and he was allowed to walk the streets naked because he was considered a hero of sorts.

    but it's probably something very ordinary like losing a bet as you said. interesting tale.

    hope you have a great day.

  7. How funny! I'm going to go with #2. I'm also with Dianne above, wondering if there were hidden cameras for this type of sociological experiment: let's-see-how-people-react-when-someone-walks-around-naked-and-document-it-then-compare-notes.

    And omg, I can't even imagine whipping out your phone and taking a picture! LOL

    1. p.s. only in New York City, eh? ;-)

  8. World's most realistic naked suit.

  9. The whole casually walking thing makes me think he took a dare, going for shock value. I wonder how far he made it, and if he got arrested? This whole thing has made me very curious.

  10. How very curious...I wonder what happened to him!!

  11. well, the fact that he doesn't sound like he was embarrassed, for me anyways, rules out a prank.

    i'd go with the trip... or he's just a hippie and walking naked in public feels good.